I like to sit in the silence of the church balcony. Just God and me. Somehow it feels more secure and sacred when it's empty.
I'm not concentrating on the eyes of others nor am I concerned that I'm on the right hymnal page. No one's looking to see if I have my hands raised at the right times or that I am singing the right words in the right key.
I don't want to focus on looking the right way. I just want to be how I am. I want to be honest. I really want to learn to be the ‘me’ God created me to be. Amber in the raw. The dirt. All the glorious dirt.
It still blows my mind to read the Creation recount of Genesis. I would have loved to been there to witness God's shaping His humanity—out of the most essential element of creation—pure unadulterated dirt. I can see Him scooping it up taking special attention to detail. With no other part of His artistry, He took a big breath and blew Himself into this fragile shell of sand and crushed rock mud.
It’s not me… I’m just clay—it has always been His breath that was and is the essential element. It makes me want to breathe deeper. Just hold it in the space of my lungs and being. And quite frankly, that perspective helps me relax.
This journey it's not about impressing people. It is about loving them where they are. It's about choosing to walk in submission to His breath of love daily—which shapes the choices we make. It creates the desire to want to reciprocate this love in obedience.
With that perspective in focus, nothing else really matters but to really let the loving breath of Holy Spirit soak your insides up so full that it can't help but to come out. It will be evident everywhere you go even if you're trying not to be seen.
Joy will flow. It will give you peace. It will help you live the steadfast life despite the storms. Because it’s not about love--which is an incomplete element; it’s more about believing love came down and is at work here--now... today...for this moment. It's also about allowing it to move, shape, and create change in you and everything in your path.
Everything you do in 24-hours of space is a worship love dance. It's because you are Christ's bride--His radiated heart--destined to live out love in community. It's not to get the gratitude for yourself or sufficient affirmation. You hold a special purposing in the collective greater work out to the finish.
Can we learn to travel stronger together? Can we be the Church we want to see? Can we learn to love by simply asking, Who are you God? Can we let that love shape how we treat our neighbors? Friends? Family? Strangers? Untouchables?
Can we love people in spite of themselves? Can we love people in spite of ourselves--our hang ups, our hiccups and the things that are not quite right in life? Do we really have the patience to want to sit and learn at the feet of the Master, or are we only interested in quick fixes--the fast food sermons?
You may not have a lot left to give at the moment. But God asks, “ Are you willing to give me what you got—even all the stuff you’ve been resistant to let go of? Are you willing to let Me go deeper? Because I will. I’ll press everything inside of you to come to the surface to reflect the glory of My reflection. But that's going to take some time. That time is the rest of your life.”
Are you ready right now to give it up? You can't live life circling the same dead horse, even if it was not of your making. You can't wield the hard-done-by excuse. We have a building assignment to do.
I want to be responsible to the task. But to be effective at that I need to know You. I know You are so well acquainted with this dirt. I give You permission to sift thoroughly leaving no stone unturned. Leave no part unused.
This is my prayer in this barefaced journey. Show Me. Teach Me. Break Me. Mold Me. Give Me all You've Got and more.